i gave up and now sit – The Whore Monger

i gave up and now sit

I’ve begun to start sitting on the toilet when I take a piss
Doing so bites at my manhood
But it’s better than getting on your knees once a week
cleaning up the piss around the bowl
It seems as though the older you get
the more inaccurate and inconsistent your aim becomes
I aim it in the same place every time
bullseye middle of the water
But I have no control of the sprinkles
that leap for their freedom out of the bowl
Only to fall on the bowl’s rim
or on the floor
or on my feet (sometimes on my socks and shoes if I’m wearing them)
My mother could never understand this when I was younger
“you missed again, how hard is it to aim for the middle?!”
But I know I’m not the only one
whether it’s at an airport or a baseball stadium bathroom
there is always a puddle below each urinal
and we all assess and choose the urinal with the smallest puddle below