John Is Lazy and Horny

John is from the northeast where it’s cold and dreary. He came from a small town with a small city nearby. There was nothing really to do. He didn’t like doing hick things like hunting, skiing, snowmobiling, shooting, motorcycles, or fishing. He saw many beautiful women on tv but he didn’t know why there weren’t any beautiful women in his town. There wasn’t even the opportunity to meet beautiful women. He knew he had a long first quarter of his life ahead of him. His parents were content with living in this miserable place. Going to the same dreary grocery store every week, seeing the same old people in their extra large goodwill winter jackets to keep their extra large bellies warm. Content with driving everyday through these miserable streets thinking it was a joy to stop through a Dunkin Donuts and to drink a watered down coffee from the middle east. John knew something wasn’t fair.

John was always a schemer, even from the beginning. He slacked off from school since he was a very good baseball player. Thinking he was going to make it big as a ballplayer, he tended to study less for school tests and watch more Seinfeld. He didn’t care for other people in the sense of making friends however he did for those less fortunate. His best friend up until the 4th grade was a boy who had down syndrome. He didn’t like loud mouthed people and people who stepped on other people. He knew one thing for sure: he had to get out of this cold miserable town with ugly women. Some of his friends, not friends per say but people he was aware of, would marry the first somewhat slightly hot piece of ass they encountered. From watching tv, John knew their was hot women out there… all he had to do was figure out a game plan, a plan to move into a warm destination with beautiful woman and cheap beer.

Finally high school came to an end. During his last year of high school he dated a Vietnamese girl that eventually told him that she loved him on a beach. She was crying as she told him this. Besides his mother and his father, this was the first time in his life a woman shared her love for him. As it would with some people, this didn’t faze him. If anything it made him want to run and that’s exactly what he did. This wasn’t a evil woman. She was a nice girl with a good head on her shoulders. She came from a family with a strict Vietnamese father although John herd that her father had gambling problems and would sometimes exert his frustration on his children which explains why his Vietnamese girlfriend would sometimes have bruise marks on her legs and arms. But that lovey dovey stuff didn’t do it for John, this Vietnamese girl was a nice piece of ass but he knew there were far better good looking woman out there. Asian woman have these petite little bodies with little curves and pancake butts. She had a nice pair of tits but that pancake ass didn’t have a bright future and no amount of maple syrup was going to make it any better. As I learned fishing with my brother, it’s better to let some fish back into the ocean, in fact it’s better to let them all back into the ocean. It doesn’t matter how beautiful that fish may look, they all end up stinkin when you get home. It seemed as though John was born with this inept vision. He came from a broken marriage but at the same time, who doesn’t come from a broken marriage. Why was John able to deny the norms of life, the things that everyone seemed to want, he rejected. In the end what it really come down to was pussy. There wasn’t a hot piece of ass within miles of where he lived. This was the foundation for all his questions and theories about life. He was even forced to go to catholic middle school and high school. He survived the frauds of teachers that tried to spew bullshit down his throat, only to flunk every class he thought was a total sham. The easiest class in school was religion but out of fucks sake he flunked it. He decided from a young age that he would hold firm against fake and fonie people and ideology. All John wanted was a nice little beach with good waves, pretty girls and a shack with a bed and a few comfy pillows to lay his head on not to far from the beach.

Since John had a low GPA from purposely flunking the classes he deemed bullshit, this highly intelligent man wasn’t accepted into too many colleges. Every college down south denied the fucker. He was left with only two options. Go to college in his small town or the option to go to school at a college just outside of Boston. He chose the latter. The school was a piece of shit. Teachers and students a like. Again, hot women were a dismal sight and never to be seen. Life liked to laugh at John in the face. It would be one thing if he were born in Africa, but he knew he was born in a “great country” were opportunities, including hot broads and babes were fair game or at least they should be… but of course, this was not the case. He dropped out of college after one semester. Tuition costs ran at 40k per year and he didn’t want to see his father giving money to frauds who handed out pieces of paper to rich kids claiming this paper was that of a degree. For the next several years John went from job to job, first working for his father for a short time and then working for a restaurant in NYC cooking seafood. Who knows what John is up to these days. If he ever made it out of NYC and into warmer weather. But I did hear a rumor… that John somehow made it to Brazil. Apparently when he arrived into Florida he said fuck all to hell. He wanted to get to the source. “Poor women meant desperate women and desperate women always treat you better than a spoiled woman”, said a wise man. John that man, he was wise beyond his years. After working his ass off and bopping around South America for 4 years he bought a small busy beach resort in norther Brazil where rich girls from the cities come to open their vaginas and party. The End.