Marriage, The Solution for Losers

There’s that friend that gets married to the first piece of ass he has ever seen at the age of 21. Finally some woman comes along and gives his dick a couple stokes, maybe she refuses to blow him but he’s a weakling and still decides to marry her. He probably went to a catholic school of some sort and was fed a bunch of bullshit and didn’t take the time to refute or question any of it. He went all throughout his youth without a piece of ass and finally a girl says hello to him and he is “oh so in love.” He will bow down to her toes and kiss them at her wish. Maybe if this kid had a few brothels around town that were legal, he wouldn’t be signing away his life, or should I say his financial future, to this piece of flesh that stinks, poops, and maybe even has 3 inch long butt hole hairs. Lets make one thing clear: This woman is for sure no super model. Before you know it, he’s working as an accountant at his dad’s company with his now wife and 2 kids. A loser.

Ahh then we have the nine to fiver. He was probably a bad boy in high school and got a piece of ass here and there. Now he’s the guy who gets up everyday miserable going to a job he doesn’t really care for nor does he have any desire to achieve anything… or maybe he does but he is unwilling to do the work or is simply just too stupid. Doing all this, the 9 to 5, only to come back home to listen to his slightly over weight blonde with buck teeth complain about not having a dog. However she fucks him almost every night, or should I say he fucks her, and he is sexually satisfied. After months of nagging, he finally gives in to marry her. His parents are now proud of him that finally he is doing something good with his life. And for the first time in a long time, he feels the opposite of what he has been feeling for a while, which is that of a loser. Oh the irony.

Ahhhhhh ha. Ho ho. He he. And then my friends, and then. We have the the guy that has everything going for him. He is tall, good looking, smart, college educated, and soon to be making over six figures per year. He has been dating his college sweetheart he met freshman year at a keg party. She happened to be living in the same dormitory as him. They started to date and everyone told them they were the perfect couple. He was a guy with the classic flip haircut and she was a tall brunette, leader of her sorority. After college he nabs a consulting job and she gets hired as a sales rep for a payroll services company. Together they bring enough to live happily on. After 2 years he takes 1/3 of what he has in the bank, a modest 5 thousand dollars to K Jewelers to buy an engagement ring. A terrible investment he will never get back. Then he does this: Obtains a loan… A LOAN! HAHA in order to pay for a lavish 150 thousand dollar wedding and honey moon. For the first 8 years of their happy happy marriage they will be paying off this loan every month. That loan that gave them so much joy for 1 day. All she ever wanted was to be a princess for one day. Not even three years into their marriage she tells him one morning, lets call him Greg, that she isn’t happy.

“I’ve been thinking about this a long time and I am just like not happy in my life. Like, I feel like I’m not special to you anymore. It’s like, I don’t know, maybe this whole thing was a mistake. We are still young. I always wanted to be an actress and I’m not happy with what I’m doing.”

“Babe I can’t believe I am hearing this right now, where did this come from. Are you okay? I just like don’t get it. Is there someone else?”

“I’m really sorry Gregy.”

Poor Gregy, because his wife didn’t co-sign on the wedding loan, she is off to California to pursue her dreams of becoming an actress while he is stuck paying the wedding loan for the next 5 years.