Talking – The Whore Monger

Talking

I remember the girls when I was younger in school
said
“Charles has no personality, it’s as if he was born without one”
I was shy to default
My cheeks beamed redder than red
When a Teacher called on me in class
The redness would even spread to my ears
And take them over
I didn’t have to look in a mirror to see it
I could feel it
As for the personality
It’s not that I didn’t have one
I hid it
Like I hid everything else that was personal and dear to me
People and conversation was never my thing
writing on the other hand is wonderful
I like to think before I write
in conversation
you can’t think too long
or else you come off as a bore
and stupid
it’s only the patient conversationalist that I can really get down with and talk to

I get this tightening in my chest and my throat when I speak
which forces me to push out from my belly
this tends to only happen with unfamiliar people
Having quit alcohol, cigarettes and coffee have dramatically reduced the problem
but it’s still there
and I suspect it always will be