Yerba Mate – The Whore Monger

Yerba Mate

I sit here, drinking Yerba Mate. It’s a wonderful tasting hot drink. It’s tea but not in the traditional sense. No tea bag, no coffee mug. Just a gourd, which is used as the cup, and the leaves naked in the gourd. They say not to pour in boiling water as it can burn the tea. Fuck it. I pour it in hot and steamy right off the burner, just like how my shits fall into the toilet. I then take my metal straw and dunk into the gourd. It gives a different kick, not a jittery kick like coffee but rather a kick of life.

I was introduced to this drink while living in Florianopolis, Brasil. This overweight woman on the beach was sucking on it heavily while refilling her gourd with hot water from her portable hot water dispenser. I’d seen many people drinking this tea’ish thing. Everyone looked so peaceful and happy, walking and drinking with a calm flow. I thought it was a refreshing sight as coffee drinkers walk fast, got to work, got-to-get-something-done-NOW! CONCENTRATE!! I was a bit drunk on the beach, I guess it was during one of my more charming drunk moments, where this overweight women with big beautiful tits tried to help translate a dialogue between myself and a man selling cheap sunglasses. She was from Argentina. She offered the drink and my mouth puckered up upon my first taste, very bitter. She kept refilling, we talked more, we laughed, I wanted those tits and we ran out of hot water. She was addicted to this stuff. She insisted we go back to her place so we could heat up some more water for the tea. Ok by me.

She was living with another woman and this other woman was beautiful. A classic Brazilian body she had and blonde hair. She had a man there, he was on the couch across from me, very ugly – belly – and just looked ratty. That’s the beauty of being a man, there are so many different factors that go into a woman digging you. If you’re ugly, find some power or money or confidence or a scam and use it to your advantage. In fact, being handsome hardly gets a man anywhere. It’s a great thing to have in your teens but then it becomes useless.

I like not being able to communicate, it saves valuable energy. Just a simple smile will do. This other man and I were probably thinking the same thing. “When are we going to the bedroom?” sex sex sex. big tits bits big tits. GOD PLEASE JUST THIS ONE TIME. And there she came, tea ready, I could see it steaming atop the cup. “Vamos, let go to my room.” I gave a quick eyebrow lift to the man across from me, jumped up. God did her pussy stink but I didn’t care. Big women have always been bad fucks for me. Maybe because it’s due to my skinny penis. I think also it’s because it takes more work and the positions are a bit more awkward. And one last thought, big women, at least not that I have experienced and I have been with some big women, they are not givers and therefore give bad blowjobs. After the sex while laying in bed, she called one of her girlfriends and told her that she just fucked a Yankee and seemed proud about it. I guess I was proud that she was proud. Maybe it was her first time but I didn’t bother to ask, I figured she would probably lie anyway.

People think I like to travel because I want to learn a new language or a new culture. I travel to get away from people. I travel to have sex with beautiful women at a cheap price. And I travel to lands with different languages as not to learn them, but use them as an excuse as not to communicate with people.